If I think back to when I was in high school, I don’t remember being fixated on time passing. Every term of school seemed like an appropriate amount of time to be spending on Pre-Calculus, Yearbook planning, and Student Council meetings. In fact, I remember thinking that there’s so much time in a year.
Yet oddly, as I sit in the library typing this out, I can’t help but feel pressed for time. Ever since stepping foot onto my university campus, it gradually dawned on me that time goes by incredibly fast. While an individual day may feel long, the whole week would be gone in a blink of an eye. Despite understanding this fact, I don’t think I ever really did anything about it. I simply tried to thoroughly organize my days to make sure I could complete as many tasks as possible.
But lately, I increasingly find myself frustrated after staring at the clock’s little hand and its unrelenting circular motion. More importantly, I have grown irritated at the time I’m wasting. This past week, I traveled to Central three times, a commute that takes approximately 45 minutes to an hour. As I stood mindlessly among the crowd of people in the subway, I couldn’t help but think that I could be using this time more effectively. I brainstormed several potential solutions: listen to a podcast, read a book on iBooks, or sleep. The problem is two folds: a) I’m still left with the same to-do list when I get off the MTR and b) completing those tasks on the subway prevents me from giving the task my full attention.
There’s no simple solution. Time will continue to go by regardless of what I do. That is the reality I need to face and I understand that. But compared to my previous self, I value my time more.
I realized that I can’t simply continue to lament the finite time I have in a single day and continue to do the same thing that I have done for the last twenty years. One major way my paradigm has shifted is in how I decide where to eat. As many of my friends know, I love to eat. I highly value both the time I have to eat and what I choose to eat. However, given the multi-level and large campus I am on, I noticed how I consume a lot of time simply commuting to the canteen of my choice. Starting yesterday, I decided to just go to the closest canteen, especially when I’m spending time in the library. It eliminates the time I both spend on deciding where to go and actually getting there.
Now, I know this isn’t a revolutionary decision. I also know that I’m still going to be squeezed for time. But I write this to underscore the significance of time that I have come to understand and appreciate. Since arriving in Hong Kong, it’s clear that there’s so much I want to do both in my professional and personal life. And to me–as much as I enjoy a nice, relaxing meal–nothing is more important than being able to complete the goals that I have set out for myself.
The question now becomes–with the extra time I’m saving, am I really able to achieve a lot more?
This is the dilemma I’m faced with every single day. Frankly, it’s not even a dilemma because that would imply that there’s an alternative decision. There isn’t one. At least not presently for me. More accurately, it’s an assignment of mine with a non-expiring due date. Even as I lied in bed last night, I reflected on my day’s work and wondered if my efforts were even making a dent.
It’s funny because it was only two weeks ago that I wrote about resilience and how even if results aren’t immediate, your efforts will be worthwhile in the long run. My current hesitation about my efforts towards my new goals (eg. reading, Excel, language, etc.) are a testament to how difficult it can be to remain resilient.
And for those of you who share my hesitation or doubts, I want to say two things:
1. 10% to 15% – Small Growth is Still Growth
This was actually a lesson I felt more strongly last week (overruled myself and chose a different topic for last week’s Substack). In response to my requests for advice, my Dad frequently points out areas of improvement I could pursue. Some of them are more onerous than others because it revolves around habits that I’ve built up over several years. In those instances, he advises, “I’m not asking you to do a complete 180 degrees and change your behavior entirely. But if you can move even 5-10% towards the new habit (eg. spending 10% more of my free time reading instead of YouTube), I would view that as success”.
The last couple of weeks have helped me identify some instances where I am improving ever so slightly. One major goal of mine is to stand my ground, regardless of what others think. This goal can take many forms. Three examples of growth:
I speak Mandarin more confidently to the cashier despite not knowing all the words. Previously, I shied away from speaking Mandarin in case they would view me weirdly due to my poor pronunciation.
I asked my roommate to leave the room to finish his call at 1AM and asked another table at Eyebar if they could move over to make room for my friend which led to us sharing a conversation about our hometowns and studies. Previously, I don’t enjoy making such requests as it can result in a more uncomfortable setting
I asked for help more directly during coffee chats. Previously, I occasionally would beat around the bush because I worried that others would think I’m only trying to gain something out of my interactions with them.
Still, I do notice myself affected when I hear certain comments about myself from others which prove I have further room to improve. And to be honest, reflecting on the examples I just wrote above, it doesn’t appear all that impressive, but again, small growth = growth.
One note I want to make is that this past week I noticed how I frequently say, “Oh, really?” when reacting to what others say to appear engaged and express interest in what they are saying. It’s a bit excessive and I’m going to work towards fixing it. I write this here as proof for later.
2. What Else Are You Going To Do With Your Time?
Sure, I can worry that the Excel model I’m working on won’t run properly or that there’s no immediate reward for reading books, but what else could I be doing that would be better? If I chose not to continue working on these tasks, I would most likely resort to watching YouTube or scrolling through Instagram reels. Those have even less immediate results. Might as well continue to practice Excel, read books, workout, and learn Cantonese. At least with these activities, there’s a possibility of greater returns at some point in the future.
These two pieces of advice above may not be a permanent fix. In fact, I’ll probably have renewed doubts as soon as March. It’s an endless cycle of doubt, reflect, motivate, repeat. If I think about it, it always has been. Whereas in the past I would switch my course of action during the reflection stage, I plan to stick with my current one, at least till May. So, for me, simply getting to March will be a success.