Nature vs. Nurture – Japan’s Lesson on How Nurture Wins

And other thoughts from an incredible trip to Japan

This past Sunday, I intentionally delayed my weekly Substack post as I was traveling to Japan. I wanted to write a reflection post based on the entire trip and thus, decided to write upon returning to my dormitory.

I’ll start off by saying that I had such a great time. I fell in love with Japan all over again. There’s so many emotions I felt on this trip and so while I will write one broad reflection/lesson I learned on this trip; I will also add some miscellaneous thoughts at the end that I think are still worth noting.

#1: Nurture vs. Nature – Nurture Wins

The moment I landed in Japan, I noticed a difference in how some Japanese individuals behave in public. It started with the immigration officer responsible for arranging the lines. Despite it being 2AM in the morning, the officer was attentive and meticulous about ensuring that every passenger was moving forward and signaled to them when he had decided to create a new line. This level of detail and dedication I had not experienced at any other airport.

This continued with our Uber driver. She was dressed in uniform and quickly took our bags which stood in contrast to my previous experience in Canada where the uber driver would hesitate about taking our bags, secretly hoping we would lift them into their trunks without their assistance. Obviously, this doesn’t apply to every single driver, but based on my personal experience, it is a rarer phenomenon to see the driver so readily prepared to take our bags and provide advice on sightseeing areas without us having to ask first. I noticed this same level of dedication as I watched construction workers in their green vests outside our Airbnb, a group of individuals that appeared to be mostly in their 50-60s, hard at work despite it being late. Their hard work is what enables the rest of us to live with ease during the day.

The next morning, two of my friends on the trip and I got up early to eat Uni dons. As soon as I got on the train/subway, I noticed something different–it was silent. But what you saw wasn’t an empty train, rather it was the opposite. A jam-packed subway where everyone was silent, careful not to create too much noise that would bother other passengers. I stood in silence too. I carefully observed my fellow passengers and noticed how two seated passengers, both in their mid-40s to 50s, stood up immediately to offer their seats to an older passenger who had just boarded the train. In that same moment, these two parents were quietly scolding their child who was starting to get bored and create noise. This was so different from what I witnessed in South Korea, for example, where parents are almost entirely in support of their child and consider mild disturbance a natural part of childhood. I was in awe. Some may think I’m overreacting, but even their minor actions had a significant influence on my thinking. It oddly made me reflect on myself, my past actions and thoughts. It made me also want to adopt some of their behaviors and habits.

These observations made me think–why was this the case? In the nature versus nurture debate, I had leaned closer towards believing that nature was a more significant factor, especially after my science classes taught me that 75% of our personality is determined by our genes. Japan made me rethink that. It’s unlikely that all Japanese people are simply wired this way. And evident by my own creeping desire to adopt similar behaviors whether that be on the train or the way I approach my work regardless of the time of day, I would argue that if I were to live in Japan, I would gradually assimilate to the local customs.

My purpose in writing all this is not to say that Japan is simply amazing and that we should all strive to replicate their systems and embody their values. Rather, through these observations and the revelation of the significant impact our surrounding environment can have on me (and us), I argue three things:

a) Choose the group you associate with carefully

Growing up, my Dad would remind me of how important the people I decided to befriend and hang out with were. At the time, I found this constant reminder annoying. It put pressure on me to constantly “assess” the people I chose to spend my time with. I thought, “how much could they possibly change me?”.

I understand now, more so than ever, how significant of an influence the people I hang out with can have on me. If my friends are motivated and ambitious, I’m more likely to observe this and contemplate how I could replicate this mindset or behavior, just like I did with the seated passengers on the train in Japan. And this isn’t an easy decision to make. Sometimes, despite knowing that a certain group isn’t great for us, we have a hard time leaving these individuals for a variety of reasons. They could be people you’ve seen since you were five-years-old. They could be incredibly fun to be around. You could also fear the social ramifications and optics of leaving people you’ve been so close with for the past few years. I understand, probably better than most, because I myself had similar concerns in the past.

At the end of the day, this is your life. What matters is ultimately how you end up. Sure, there might be difficulties initially, but if you know deep-down that leaving your existing friend group is in your best interest, especially in the long-term, then you already know what you need to do.

b) Just because you’re not accepted in one environment doesn’t mean you’re wrong or weird

If I had been thrust into Japan as a full-time student or an employee, there is a good chance I would have been alienated at times due to my distinct behavior or thinking that aligns more with individuals in Canada. For example, in Japan, it is considered impolite to refuse a drink from others, especially superiors in the workplace or in school. Yet, on days where I’m tired, I would naturally refuse a drink from upperclassmen. This may be a trivial example, but the point is that there’s no right or wrong answer. Your thought process and personality may be better received in certain environments over others. You may pass an audition for a musical at one theatre but not another. Your story may resonate so well with a certain audience that your book becomes a bestseller in Japan, but not Germany. You may be the life of the party at one firm but realize that the same jokes aren’t well-received by your new co-workers. So, don’t get discouraged if you’re criticized or even rejected at times, it is entirely possible that different doors–ones that are more suitable for you–will open.

c) Adapt or die

Coming into this semester, I thought adapting was a useless ability to have. It stemmed from my belief that it wasn’t advantageous for me to appear too easily amenable. It’s important to have a clear opinion and values that aren't easily swayed by others, I thought (and still do). But as Japan has shown me, there will be so many more instances in my life (and in yours too) where you may not be entirely familiar with your surrounding environment. That’s why I started to view our ability to adapt as one of our greatest assets. If we were incapable of adapting and forced to be stuck in an environment we aren’t entirely comfortable with, it would be unbearable. But it is precisely because we are able to observe, learn, and adapt that we are able to strive in diverse and new environments. Rather than refusing to adapt, we should prioritize striking a balance between maintaining our own existing beliefs and adapting to our new environment.

Remember: 과유불급 (Too much of anything is (bad) the same as having too little)

#2: Do It Alone – It’s Refreshing

Prior to this trip, I worried about solo-traveling. I genuinely have no idea what I was worried about. It was so refreshing. All I had to think about was what I wanted and plan my day around that. It also teaches you to be self-reliant whether it be finding places to go and how to get there. It also helps you realize what you enjoy most. For example, while traveling solo, I started avoiding places that had long lines, I spent 1+ hours at a bookstore and focused on finding savory eats over sweet ones. Obviously I very much enjoyed the group-component of my trip, but traveling in a group and going solo provides distinct appeals. I’m fortunate to have experienced both on this trip because now I’m more attuned to their respective appeals and can plan future trips more easily.

#3: Don’t Be Scared About Doing Something Twice

As my good friend Jaclyn already articulated so well in her latest Substack post, there is absolutely no problem with doing something you enjoyed again.

I realized this quite late into the trip. As I planned my final day in Japan, I contemplated what to eat and where to visit. I fixated on finding places I haven’t been to before. Slowly, I wondered, “why not just hit some of my favorite spots from this trip again?”. My initial hesitation with this option was because of the sense that I was somehow “wasting” the limited time I have left by not exploring new areas in Japan. But, why is that so important? Why put unnecessary stress on myself by trying to find unexplored areas? Why not just visit places I’m certain to leave happy? After all, that is the goal right? To be happy on this trip and to leave satisfied with my time here. The goal was never to hit as many areas in Japan. Admittedly, it is nice to visit new areas and learn more about Japan, but again, as I stated above, there needs to be a balance. And, I could always visit Japan again.

#4: Traveling and Living Are Completely Different

I jumped up and down in excitement multiple times in Japan. I smiled from ear to ear as I stood wide-eyed staring into the bustling crowd in Shibuya or Shimokitazawa. On my last night in Japan, I reminded myself that the reality of a local would be very different. If I were to live in Japan, many of these attractions, these bright, large buildings, and the abundance of incredible food would lose their current level of appeal as it became part of my daily life.

It’s similar to how before arriving in South Korea, I have a long list of dishes I want to eat, but almost always, a week after I arrive, I can’t easily think of a single item that I would want to eat.

This is to demonstrate that the grass is always greener on the other side (although I do genuinely believe I would significantly enjoy my daily life in Japan better than other countries). We always want what we currently don’t have. But in reality, it’s not as shiny and coveted as we think it is. Anyone who’s had pork tonkatsu or ramen knows what it tastes like. That taste doesn’t change all too significantly depending on where you eat. Yet, the moment we land in Japan, we rush to get a taste of these iconic dishes. I felt the same way. However, I realized as I ate more and more, it is the typical taste we expect in such dishes so there’s no need to get too hung up on having them.

#5: Unexpected Sources of Happiness

Some of my favorite memories on this trip were unplanned – that includes the first morning where I woke up early for Uni don and that led to fried sandwiches and Bongen coffee, soloing Hokokuji bamboo forest, and bonding with one friend after going to the Starbucks Reserve Roastery on a whim.

The Uni don I didn’t even think twice about. The other two I hesitated quite a bit about whether I should do it. Sometimes, especially on these trips with friends, the best thing to do is to think less and just do. I need to practice only answering the question: Do you want to do this or not? If yes, just do it.

#6: Thankful

Throughout this trip, I realized how much I have to be grateful. To my parents who made sure that I could have the best time in Japan by frequently reminding me to simply focus on what I want to eat and do. Honestly, being alone in Japan helped me realize how lucky I am to have parents who care so deeply about my happiness and whether I’m comfortable or not. I can’t wait to offer them the same luxury in the future and for many, many years.

I’m also grateful for going to Penn that offers the opportunity to study abroad. And the simple fact that I come from Penn meant that I could make friends easily abroad such that I could even travel with them. Thanks to them I was able to visit Kamakura (a trip I wouldn’t have planned on my own) among other things.

Overall, this Japan trip was nothing short of amazing. I was able to experience so much in such a short amount of time. And although I enjoyed nearly every single moment on this trip, more importantly, every single moment was worthwhile for me.